New member in your close relationship?! the final draft

New member in your close relationship?!-Joanne Tsai

Smart Phones Change Communications Of People!!!

　　2012 is a year that smart phones start to gain their prosperity. No matter which generation you belong to, smart phone is a new member in your close relationship. It exists everywhere: in classroom, in dorm, in our daily life. We can say that we are strung by smart phones due to the innovation of smart phones let us contact to each other closely.

　　Smart phones have an access for Internet no matter where we are, directly impact the connection of our close relationship. When we are having reunion, dating or eating out with friends, we may check our smart phone will-less. But this small act brings big influence. “It would upset or provoke me if my girlfriend kept using smart phone when I’m talking to her”, Cigam, a freshman in Chemistry Department said. Another male student Shaya said,” No Way!!! I will be very angry about this! ”

　　 Though smart phones do many advantages to our life, they may also do negative impact to us. It’s better for us to moderate using of smart phones when we get alone with others. After all, what really important is the one who keep company on his or her own.

Critics

1.      Claire: You need a subtitle.

2.      Ruby: The forth sentence “We can say that we are strung by Internet.” Is kind of strange because your last one and latter one are talking about SMART PHONES, not Internet.

3.      Claire: Second paragraph can be revise into that” smart phones have an access for Internet “ instead of “Smart phones give us access to Internet”

4.      Tina: For the last sentence, maybe is better to change the words his or her to "our"? Because in the one before it you said ”us” and when ”we” use.

5.      Claire: (after I ask if I shall change my statement into Smart phones have us an access for Internet )u don’t have to emphasize on people get access to internet. It’s sure that only PEOPLE can use Internet.